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Do you….

Many of you have heard the term Empath, but you may not know what it means, or if you are one. This is a very personal subject for me. I have suffered from depression throughout most of my life, starting at a very young age. It was easy to hurt my feelings, and I was constantly told to get thicker skin. I’ve always felt like an outsider, never really belonging anywhere. Feeling this way forced me to disguise my true self and hide any sign of ‘weakness”. I’ve always tried to change myself to fit in, of course it never worked.

As I got older there would be times when I would be on my way to work feeling fine and ready to take on the day, but by the time I got off the train I would be sobbing uncontrollably and had no clue why. The only possible explanation I could come up with, was that I was a complete nut bar. Why else would I be fine one minute and falling apart the next.

Public transit wasn’t the only problem either. The news could send me into such a dark place that I felt like I would never be able to claw my way out again. Even tv shows and movies could have a profound affect on me. It wasn’t until I was well into my 30’s that I began to see a wonderful psychotherapist who let me in on a little secret. She told me that I was an empath. My first thought was “Like Deanna Troi? Awesome!” (Yes I know, I just aged myself there.)

What is an Empath?

Does any of that sound familiar? If so then you are probably empathic. So let’s talk more about what an empath is. Empaths are people who are extremely sensitive to their surroundings. They are able to pick up on all kinds of sensory information that most people are completely unaware of. They even pick up on other peoples emotions as if they were their own. All emotions are greatly amplified to an empath. The good is euphoric and the negative can be debilitating. 

To an empath a small repetitive noise, a lingering scent, even wearing tight or scratchy clothes can be completely overwhelming. This is because they process sensory information much more deeply. They just can’t tune things out the same way other people do. I drive my husband crazy with this one. “Do you smell something? Is something burning? Can you check?” No one else ever smells it. It could be something that was on the stove hours ago, or it could just be the furnace turning on, but it is all I can smell and I will obsess over it and be unable to do anything else until it is identified.

Why Do Empaths Feel So Alone?

Even though Empaths and highly sensitive people make up about 20% of the population, most feel incredibly alone. Maybe it is them unconsciously pushing people away to protect themselves. Partly because they themselves feel different, but also because others treat them differently. Being a human lie detector is another quality that can make it difficult to make new friends. Watching someone try to deceive you as they weave an intricate web of lies, does not create lasting relationships. What’s worse is when you try to tell people you know they are lying, no one believes you. The other piece that causes empaths to isolate themselves is simply they need a break from other peoples feelings. Most people don’t understand that and just assume you are not a very attentive friend. 

Empaths also have a very difficult time with criticism. They are people pleasers and take it very hard when they think they’ve disappointed someone or that they don’t like them. Even the smallest criticisms can devastate an empath. When everyone has forgotten about it weeks later, the empath will still be playing the criticism over and over in their mind. Trying to figure out how they could have done better. 

How Can You Protect Yourself as an Empath?

Taking in all of this sensory stimulation takes up an incredible amount of mental capacity. The more they take in without taking the time to “unload”, the more likely they will become over stimulated. This can start as headaches, exhaustion, or as I’m prone to, cold and flu symptoms.  It can also precipitate a bout of depression. If empaths continue to be overstimulated without taking a break, it can lead to a complete break down. Both emotionally and physically. 

Check in With Yourself

So what can you do, as an empath, to get through the day? One of the most important things any empath can do is to check in with themselves throughout the day. If you are aware of how you are feeling at any given moment, it will be much easier to recognize when you’ve picked up someone else’s stuff. Sometimes just knowing that those aren’t your feelings is enough for you to let them go. So how do you check in? Take a quiet moment, get grounded and ask yourself how you feel. The more you do it, the more easily you will be able to decipher your emotions. 

Visualize a Protective Shield

Sometimes it will be necessary to block other peoples emotions and energy completely. Visualization is a good tool for this. You could visualize a bubble of white protective light surrounding you. Nothing can get through that bubble unless you allow it. Another good visualization is to imagine a golden shield blocking all unwanted energy. Picture other peoples emotions being blocked by your shield. You can use any visualization that works for you. Don’t worry if you aren’t very good at visualizing. Just believe it’s working and it will. 

Affirmations

Along with visualizations, affirmations and mantras work well. Try to pick something easy to remember and repeat. It can be as simple as “I do not take on other peoples emotions”. Say your mantra multiple times throughout the day and remember to believe it.

Sometimes You Have to Say No

As an empath, people will come to you with their problems. (Which is how I became a counsellor.) We are great listeners and natural healers. We can see into the heart of a situation and can feel a persons real emotions and usually decipher their motives. Add to that our genuine desire to help and we are a magnet for people looking to unload. It’s ok to listen and try to help, but make sure you check in with yourself first. It is also okay to not listen and try to help. You are allowed to tell someone that you are not in the right headspace to be of any service to them right now. You could always schedule a coffee date with them at another time to “chat.”

No News is Good News

Another way you can take care of yourself is to avoid the news. If anything really important happens, you will hear about it from family, friends or through social media. This is one area I take a lot of slack over. I am constantly being told that it is Irresponsible to not stay informed. That I am putting on blinders and pretending the world is a wonderful place. The worst is that I can’t be a good mother if I don’t watch the news because I won’t know what to protect my children from.

None of those things are true. What I am doing is protecting myself from having a complete emotional breakdown. I find the news is the hardest to recover from. I suspect it’s because it is real. Watching the news makes me loose all hope and faith in the world and causes such a profound sadness in me, that I can’t function. Why would I want to do that to myself or my children? 

Read Don’t Watch

If you must know what’s going on in the world, read the news, don’t watch it. That way you can choose what you want to read and how much. You can even just skim the headlines. In this way you can be informed, while still protecting yourself.

Another problem that arises, especially when people find out you don’t watch the news, is that they will tell you the news. They always seem to pick the most horrific stories to tell you in detail. My advice, tell them you don’t want to know. If you don’t want to tell them how the news affects you, tell them you are doing an experiment to find out what happens to a person who avoids the news for a certain amount of time. That usually shuts them up. Of course you may have to make up some results when the ask how your experiment is going.

Watch What Makes you Happy

Something else that is good to avoid is really violent tv and movies. When Dexter was really popular I had everyone telling me I had to watch it. That I would love it. Clearly none of these people actually knew me. When I finally watched an episode I cried for hours and felt completely dispirited. It wasn’t just the violence, but that everyone was rooting for a serial killer. I stopped watching it and just told people it wasn’t my thing. Don’t let people pressure you into watching things you know will upset you. A tv show or movie can do a lot of damage to an empath. Watching extreme violence and cruelty whether real or imaginary has the same affect on us.  Find something that makes you smile instead.

Take Time to Recharge

Avoid spending a lot of time in big crowds. I love going dancing and to concerts, but I also respect my limits. Too much time amongst a crowd can cause an overload. The other thing to mention here is going to events where everyone is there for a single purpose and radiating positive energy can be completely invigorating, but even positive energy can burn you out if you take in too much. When I go out for a night on the town, I usually end up useless the next day. It takes me a full day to completely recharge. Try not to over do it and take the time to recharge.

Create a Private Sanctuary

Make sure you have a safe, quiet place to recharge. You need a sanctuary. A place to practice some self care. It does not have to be a huge elaborate space. A bedroom that you feel comfortable in and will be left alone for a little works fine. Make sure it is not a cluttered space. You will not be able to rejuvenate in a messy, cluttered space. Empaths are drawn to beauty of all sorts, sometimes things that no one else can see the beauty in. So fill your space with anything that makes your heart sing. Once in your quiet haven, do things that help regenerate you. 

Meditation Essentials
from: Cratejoy

Practice Self Care

Some people swear by a candle lit bubble bath. Others relax into a good book. For some nothing is more healing than a “Friends” marathon. You know who you are. Listening to calming music also works well. Just avoid anything to heavy with a negative message. I love rock as much as the next person, but when I need to recharge I pull out the Jazz. Spending time with our furry friends is another amazing way to get our energy and emotions balanced. Creative endeavours are food for an empath’s soul, so get creative. Again it doesn’t have to be a big extravagant project. Doodling in a journal, knitting, scrapbooking, sewing, painting anything creative that speaks to you.  Whatever works for you, do it. As long as it’s something that makes you feel good and fills you with positive energy.

Embrace the Gift

I know it’s hard to be an empath. Life can really kick us in the behind. However, there are some great perks too. Being able to read people, we are less likely to get sucked in by someone trying to take advantage of us. We can feel the insincerity radiating off of them. That ability also helps us determine our true friends and helps us to build more meaningful relationships. We are natural healers. Just being around us can ease another’s emotional pain. As long as we are careful not to take on their emotional pain. We are also human lie detectors. We know when people are lying, even if we don’t always trust it. How cool is that? So enjoy the gift you have been given, because it was given to you for a reason.

If you are looking for more information about being Empathic, check out Judith Orloff M.D. https://drjudithorloff.com/dr-orloffs-blog/

Check out my post on Being an Empath During a Pandemic. Feeling a little Blah? Read my post on How to Quickly Raise Your Vibrations & Why You Want to.

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