How to Transform A Wicked Inner Critic Into Your Champion
Most of us are familiar with the inner critic. That voice inside that tells us we aren’t good enough, that whispers about all of our past failures. Even the most confident of us has faced their critic at one point or another. So how can we turn our inner critic into our own personal champion?
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The inner critic is always judging us and shining a light on our insecurities. It exaggerates our perceived weaknesses and focuses on our failures, ignoring our successes. The critic often sabotages us and keeps us from venturing out in the world, because it wants us to stay small. It wants us to stay safe within our comfort zone.
Our critic tells us we are not worthy, reminding us of all our previous failures to prove that we are in fact not good enough. It compares us to others and we always come up lacking. The critic speaks of our weaknesses with authority, so we dare not argue. It expects perfection, but we just can’t meet it’s standards no matter how hard we try. Unfortunately for many of us, we just stop trying.
Read my post on Self-Love Here
The Birth of the Inner Critic
The critic is usually born from the experiences from our childhood. It can be a defining event that creates your inner critic, but it often develops over time. It gets stronger with every criticism we receive from authority figures in our lives. When that authority figure is someone close to us (like a parent or caretaker) the inner critic is much stronger. For many, those criticisms became internalized, so rather than believing that our behaviours are wrong, we learned that we were wrong.
Being small and not taking risks keeps us from drawing attention to ourselves. If no one is watching we can’t do anything embarrassing. If we don’t put ourself out there, we don’t have to deal with failure and rejection. Of course we never can never succeed that way either.
The thing is, our critic is not trying to hurt us, although it often feels that way. In fact, it is the exact opposite. Our inner critic is actually trying to protect us. It tries to protect us from failure, embarrassment and even rejection. It believes that if it can keep us from drawing too much attention, we will be deemed more acceptable. By staying under the radar we are more lovable. Unfortunately, while trying to keep us from failing and making us more acceptable, it is also keeping us from succeeding.
If you are enjoying this post, you may like my post on Limiting Beliefs
Getting to Know Your Critic
The inner critic is most active when you are in an uncomfortable situation. When you are trying something new, when you are around people you don’t know well, if you are being judged or criticized, even being around an authority figure will trigger your inner critic. If you are feeling depressed or out of sorts, your inner critic is likely to make appearance. It has a habit of kicking you when your down.
Identify Your Critic
- Name your critic.
- When was the first time you remember hearing your inner critic?
- Who does it sound like?
- What does it say?
- When does your critic show up?
- What does it repeat?
- Where is it in your body?
- If it was phrased more constructively, is there something you could learn from your inner critic?
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Setting Boundaries For Your Inner Critic
Once you identify the inner critic, pay attention to it. When you catch yourself listening to your inner critic, STOP, REWIND and REFRAME.
As soon as a negative thought comes in, tell yourself “Stop!” Rewind and change the thought to something kinder. For example:
- What would you say to a friend?
- What would you say to your inner child?
- If you can’t say something kind about yourself try changing your thoughts to something else. Try using gratitude.
- Repeat positive affirmations
Talk to your inner critic like you would to a person who is criticizing you. Set Boundaries. “Ok Critic, that is enough! You sound like a judgemental bitch. Back off!”
Another strategy for dealing with the critic, is to send it off on a nice vacation. Thank it for trying to keep you safe and tell it to enjoy its vacation on that tropical island. Although this seems silly, it can be extremely effective.
Are struggling with your critic? Book a free session with me today!
Turn Your Inner Critic Into Your Inner Champion
Once you have set boundaries and have a strategy in place for dealing with your critic, it’s time to start working on a more positive inner dialogue.
When your constantly use negative self-talk, you reinforce the inner critic. When you feel insecure, the critic will come out in full force. However, if you practice a more positive inner dialogue, your inner champion starts to gain some traction. The more you use positive self-talk, the more natural it becomes. Eventually, your inner critic will start to take a step back and let your champion propel you forward.
A powerful way to to improve your inner dialog is to practice positive affirmations. Here’s a few to get your started:
- I bring light wherever I go
- I’m worthy of love
- I deserve good things in my life
- I’m perfect exactly as I am
- I am beautiful inside and out
- I’m capable of great things
- I trust myself completely
- I’m a positive force in the world
- I deserve abundance in all areas of life
- I’m a strong person
Learn more about Positive Affirmations Here
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This is such a helpful post. I remember my inner critic just suddenly appearing one day and its had such an affect on my life ever since.
Thanks Kelly! I’m so glad you found this post helpful.
This is so needed. By so many I’m sure. Definitely some steps and reminders I can still use here in my mid-thirties even! Thanks for sharing 😊
Thanks for your comment!
I’m in my late forties and I still need these reminders! Personal growth is a lifelong process. Our growth doesn’t stop, we just work at deeper levels. 😊
Thank you for addressing this topic which touches on one of our vulnerabilities. Yes our inner critic can easily cause self-deprecation if we let it. To thwart it we must accept ourselves as we are with our faults, but also our qualities and realize that there is room for self-improvement. Thank you for your good advice on how to transform the limiting inner dialogue into a constructive and helpful conversation with oneself.
Thanks Corinne! I love how you phrased it “a constructive and helpful conversation with oneself.” We could all benefit from having more of those.
This is such a powerful post. I am not sure where my inner critic came from but it’s been there as long as I can remember, maybe part of my anxiety? I’m not sure. I like the idea of setting boundaries for your inner critic. I am definitely going to try that. Thank you!
Thanks Heidi! Setting boundaries is always a good idea. Let me know how it goes and if you need any support.
I feel like, as tough as this year has been, there should be no reason for us to be continuously mocking ourselves. We’ve tried everything we could, if it ain’t working the way we want, learn and improve. We are worthy !
I love this post so much! Thank you for sharing this😊
Thank you! I’m so glad this post resonated with you!
This was really interesting! Mine pops up all the time and she’s pretty harsh so reading your tips on flipping that narrative was great. Definitely taking away a few pointers here.
Thank you! I’m so glad you found it helpful.
This is a very important message. I worked to turn my self sabotaging internal voice into my best friend and cheerleader. Work in progress and happy I found your page. Xx
Thanks so much! I think we are all a work in progress. There is always room for growth.
Such as a great post. As much as I can remember, my inner critic came from the people took care of me as a child.
Thank you for your comment! Often if we listen to our inner critic we can hear the voice of our caretakers from when we were young. That awareness can sometimes help give us a little distance from our critic.
Thanks for sharing this. I definitely struggle with a pretty harsh inner critic, and though I’ve taken some steps to work on it, I really like this approach. I haven’t considered this idea of really giving that critic a name and a face, a whole persona outside yourself and then dealing with it as this “other.” That seems like a very mindful, self-love oriented approach and I’m curious to try it out!
Thanks so much for your comment! I’m so happy that this approach resonated with you. Let me know how it works out for you.
I’ve been sabotaging my self for 2 years now. This is a helpful post. thanks for sharing.
I’m so glad you have found this post helpful! If you need any more support with your self-sabotaging, please let me know.
We’re always our worst critics, I find. Even when we know we’re overly critical. It can take a long time to reverse these thoughts.
Yes it can, but it is well worth the effort! Thanks for your comment!
This post is so helpful! I love the idea of setting boundaries, thanks for sharing x
Thank you! I’m so happy you enjoyed it!
I love this post. It is so hard to redirect negative thoughts if you just shoooo them away. I agree with you that we need to acknowledge and then redirect it to a positive thought. I always have little 7 year old me in mind when I start being mean or critical of myself. it forces me to stop and be kinder. Great post!
Thank you! I love that you envision your inner child as a way to be kinder to yourself. That is such a wonderful way to heal.
My inner critic is named Debra and she’s a total b****, haha. Thank you for the useful tips, I’m trying to get better at taming old Deb and this is a great place to start. 🙂
I love it! It sounds like you have Deb well in hand. 😊
This is a great post, Tiffany! I think, for the most part, my inner critic tells me I don’t work hard enough even when I do! I’ve definitely enforced better boundaries but she definitely pops up from time to time. Lovely read! Thanks for sharing x
Lynn | https://www.lynnmumbingmejia.com
This is a great example of how our inner critic gives us false information. You work harder than almost anyone I know and yet your critic is telling you that you don’t work hard enough. It would be interesting to explore what it is your inner critic is looking to gain from getting you to work harder. I suspect there is something in your life that it is trying to fulfil, but probably going about it the wrong way. You may want to ask yourself and your critic what it is that hard work represents to you. That may give you a clue to what your critic is trying to accomplish. Thanks so much for your comment Lynn!!
What a fantastic post! I never thought of setting boundaries with my inner critic, or how to turn them into my champion – those are both so helpful and really make me reflect on my inner critic! Thanks for this incredibly informative post 🙂
Thanks! I’m so glad I was able to give you something to reflect on. One of the best ways to rein in our critic is through reflection. 😊
This is such a great and interesting post! I learned a lot from reading it. Thanks so much for sharing.
Thank you so much! I’m glad you found it helpful.
Great tips! I definitely struggle in the battle against my own inner critic, so it’s nice to read useful ideas like this. Lovely post 🙂
Anika | chaptersofmay.com
Thank you so much Anika! Our inner critic can be challenging, so I’m glad you have found this post useful. Hopefully you will be able to transform your critic into your champion. 😊
This post is really useful. Setting boundaries with inner critic is such a wonderful idea. Thank you for this post!
You’re very welcome!! 😊
I am reminded of YouTube I saw recently about imposter syndrome in the tech world. Many programmers have that feeling when they join a new company or team, that they really don’t know what they’re doing.
Which is a feeling I’ve had before. I think “I don’t know what I’m doing.” Until I see what the other engineers are doing, then I’m all “Oh my God, they don’t know what they’re doing!”
Thanks so much for your comment! Imposter syndrome often comes from your inner critic.
I’ve never thought to have this kind of conversation with myself and now I’m feeling really inspired. This would make for an excellent set of journal prompts as well. I’m really glad you shared this!
Thanks! I’m so glad you found this post inspiring. You’re absolutely right, this is a great topic to journal about.
This post was like coming home – I used to work for a confidence coach and she was all about the inner critic and learning to recognise the why. And to speak to ourselves as if we were a friend. Great post, so many helpful tips, thank you!
Awww thank you! I’m so glad this post spoke to you!
Such a lovely post! I’ve struggled with my own inner critic for a long time. I figured out that I procrastinate often because I critic myself too much. Getting to know your inner critic and positive affirmations are really helpful for me! Thanks for sharing
Our critic can really get in the way of us accomplishing our goals. How wonderful that you have had this insight.
Thank you so much for your comment!
This was such an interesting read! I don’t know when mine appeared, but it always seems to tell me that I am not doing enough or going to fail so I don’t take risks or try new things. I agree though when you said that it’s there to protect us from feeling rejected and bad but also limits us! Thanks for sharing also some tips to work on it x
Thank you! I hope these tips help you manage your critic.
This is a really lovely/helpful post, thank you so much for sharing! I think everyone in their own way has a inner critic, I know I certainly do and quite often it’s telling me I’m not doing enough etc, but slowly I’m learning to ignore and tell myself I’m doing my best! Xo
Elle – ellegracedeveson,com
Thanks so much for your comment! I’m glad to hear you’re learning to ignore your critic!
This is such a great post! And these tips are so helpful. This is something I really struggle with and I am currently working on. Thanks for this post, I really needed it!
Thank you! I’m glad this post came to you when you needed it.
Lots of good information here. My own inner critic is formidable but I can handle it. Thanks for the affirmations!
You’re very welcome! I hope the affirmations will help you reign in that formidable critic of yours.
This is a really helpful post with some great tips. Thank you for sharing your tips!
Lauren
Thanks so much for your comment Lauren!!
This is such a beautiful and powerful post! Mine would appear sometimes at night to tell me that I’m not doing enough and to try harder till I feel so overwhelmed. I always try to have a positive mindset but sometimes it is not working the way I want. Thanks for sharing this post, it is so helpful x
Thanks so much Merry! I’m glad you found it helpful. You may want to try switching your critic message into an affirmation. If your critic is telling you you are not doing enough, practice the affirmation “I am doing exactly what I need to be doing.” I hope that helps.
This is a great post, and i guess really goes with the saying ” we are our own worst critics”. It is amazing what the mind can make you think and do, isn’t it? Great tips to work on balancing that inner critic!
Thanks for sharing 🙂
Aimsy xoxo
Aimsy’s Antics
Thanks Aimsy! I’m so glad you enjoyed it. 😊
Great post! I think that it can be so hard when you are constantly dealing with your inner critic, but this is a great way to bring the critic to your side and work for you positively x
Thank you! I’m so glad you enjoyed it!
My inner critic has been with me since I was small. It’s interesting to think about the aspects of nature versus nurture but negativity bias is a prevalent force. I wrote a post -as you know- about negative emotions and the brain. Positive affirmations help! Thanks for the detailed suggestions for reframing.
–Sue
http://www.susanberkkoch.com/blog
Thanks for your comment Sue!
I definitely am pretty hard on myself. I have really embraced saying positive affirmations daily and it’s transforming not only my thinking but also my life.
xo Erica
Thank you so much for your comment! Positive affirmations are a great way to help reign in our inner critic, it is literally reprogramming our brain.
love this post so much! So often we are our worst critic, hindering self-love and self-belief. Take care of yourselves first and the rest will follow! Great post!x
I totally agree, take care of yourself first, otherwise you will be no good to anyone else. Thanks so much for your comment Sophia!
We are always our own worst critic! It can be so horrible at times but this post was so needed. By plenty of people, I’m sure! Thanks for sharing Xo
Elle – ellegracedeveson.com
Thanks so much Elle! I appreciate it!
I absolutely love the positive affirmations you included at the end! This is so helpful! Thank you for sharing!
Thanks! I’m so glad you liked them!
This is such a helpful post. I am always my worst critic, but I am working on that to show myself more kindness. Thank you for sharing these suggestions.
Lauren
Thanks Lauren! I hope this post helps you to be a little kinder to yourself. 💖
Absolutely! Good stuff! Our Inner Judge, Inner Critic, Inner Sabateur, Gremlin — probably the biggest thing that holds all of us back! You are doing some awesome and important work, healing the world by helping one person at a time heal themself!
Thank you so much! That means a lot! 💖
This was a fascinating read. Having a strong inner critic can truly hold you back from doing great things.
Thanks so much for your comment! I’m glad you enjoyed it!