How to Know if You’re a Perfectionist and Why It’s Not A Good Thing
Wondering if you are a perfectionist?
You’re on your way out the door to go grocery shopping. You’ve got your mask, wallet and phone. You are about to walk out the door and you catch sight of your reflection in the mirror.
OMG! Your ponytail is crooked!
You take your shoes off and march right back into the bathroom to start all over again. Guess what? You may be a perfectionist.
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What is Perfectionism
Perfectionism is just one of many inner personalities we can develop. We all have a number of these inner selves, or sub-personalities.
On average each of us have between 4-8. Sub-personalities are semi-autonomous and are able to control our actions if we let them. For instance, have you ever given up on something you really enjoyed because your perfectionist decided if you couldn’t do it perfectly, you shouldn’t bother doing it at all? That is your perfectionist taking control.
Someone with the perfectionist personality holds themselves to impossibly high standards and expect more from themselves than is humanly possible. When they can’t live up to those standards, they are incredibly hard on themselves and often give up on whatever it is they feel they have “failed” at.
The Birth of the Perfectionist
How do we become perfectionists? Is it an inherent quality or something we develop?
The perfectionist personality is, like many other sub-personalities, a protection mechanism. It’s often developed when we are quite young. It emerges as a way to help us feel okay, to fit in, to be loved and accepted and to ensure our survival. It is born from the thoughts and emotions we experience from recurring situations.
For example, if we only get attention from our parents when we do really well in school, we will start to equate love with good grades. Therefore, if our grades are bad, we are unloveable. This will create a personality that believes if it gets perfect grades it will be loved.
Another example could be of someone who was abused as a child. The perfectionist may develop to not get attention, to fit in and stay under the radar. This perfectionist has learned that when they make mistakes, they draw attention and may be punished for that mistake.
These are two extreme examples of how the perfectionist can come about. There are more subtle examples that fall somewhere in-between the two.
Someone who feels uncomfortable with themselves may start to develop a perfectionist personality to hide their perceived imperfections.
Perfectionism can also be used to hide shame. Unfortunately, the more one inevitably fails at being perfect, the more the shame grows and builds up.
The thing about the perfectionist personality is that it only develops into a personality if at one time or another it worked. It is actually a brilliant defence mechanism, unfortunately sustaining it over the long term, is almost impossible.
Isn’t Perfectionism a Good Thing?
Most of us strive to be better and excel at what we do. We want to do a good job. Put out quality. That isn’t a bad thing. Perfectionism, however, is a compulsive behaviour. We try to be perfect to feel like we are okay, and if we fall short the defences we have built crumble.
This is not just about doing our best. Perfectionism doesn’t allow us to be human. It believes that “it is no good if it isn’t perfect. It has to be perfect or else everyone will know I’m not okay. If I am perfect, I will be loved.” Sadly, we cannot live up to the perfectionist standards, therefore we feel flawed and unloveable.
“Master the art of Self Hypnosis to help yourself, help others (or both) and created a positive change in your life.”
Covert and Overt Perfectionism
For many years I thought I lacked motivation, that I was lazy and that was why I struggled to do certain things. Turns out that I was battling with a covert perfectionist personality, and losing. So what exactly is covert and overt perfectionism?
Overt perfectionism is what most people think of when speaking of perfectionism. It drives you to work on a project for weeks with no sleep to make sure it is absolutely perfect. It makes you work harder than you ever thought possible and although it drives you to produce astounding results, it also tears you apart if you don’t meet up to those standards.
Covert perfectionism, on the other hand, believes that if you cannot produce perfect results, why bother trying. Although it also pushes you to achieve impossible standards, covert perfectionism forces you to quit trying if you can’t achieve those standards right away.
This can appear as if the person lacks motivation or is just lazy. This is the person who tries to paint and quits because they were unable to produce a masterpiece on their first go.
You May Be a Perfectionist if…
Common traits of the perfectionist:
- You feel like you always fail – No matter what you do, it never feels like it’s enough. You always feel like you should have done better.
- Feedback makes you uncomfortable – You dread receiving feedback and have difficulty listening to it without becoming defensive. The thought of someone pointing out imperfections is too much to bear.
- You procrastinate and struggle to get things done on time – You put things off as long as possible afraid that you will not be able to do it perfectly. When you do start working on it, it takes you forever to finish because you are fixated on making it perfect.
- It’s hard for you to celebrate your successes – It is difficult for you to celebrate any successes because you don’t feel you deserve it and you are too busy looking to the next accomplishment.
- You have “all or nothing” thinking – If you can’t do it perfectly, you would rather not do it at all. Better to do nothing, than to fail.
- It is a struggle to ask for help – Asking for help feels like a weakness. You feel like it shows the other person there is something you are not good at. It makes you feel vulnerable and inadequate.
- You obsess over past mistakes – Your past mistakes and failures haunt you. They are constantly running through your head, leaving you wondering how you could have done better. You worry about repeating the same mistakes and avoid situations where that could happen.
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly of Perfectionism
We have talked about some of the cons of perfectionism. How it sets us up to fail, unable to meet unrealistic expectations. Making us feel like we are not quite enough. How it keeps us from trying something new, because we may not do it well enough.
The perfectionist isn’t all bad though. It pushes us to be better than we thought possible. It helps us gain praise from others for our exceptional work. Which helps to boost our confidence. It shows us what our best really does look like.
Make a list of the pros and cons of your perfectionist.
Reining in Your Perfectionist
When dealing with your perfectionist, you don’t want to get rid of it all together. It has become a part of your personality and has at one point or another, served you well.
To try to sever that part of your personality, firstly would be near impossible and secondly, it would be like throwing out the baby with the bathwater. There are qualities inherent in the perfectionist that are worth hanging on to.
Pros and Cons
Here is where you want to take a look at the list of pros and cons you made. You want to start to integrate the pros of your perfectionism and minimize the cons.
Once you have your pros and cons list, look at ways to utilize the pros and eliminate the cons. An example of these may be:
Pro: It helps me put out great work
Con: I struggle to meet deadlines or am unable to complete the work at all, because it is never good enough.
Solution: Set a time limit. Once that time is up you have to turn the work in, whether it is perfect or not. Accept that it is good enough.
Change Your Perspective
Your perfectionist has a skewed sense of reality. You are somehow less worthy if everything doesn’t come together exactly right. To overcome that kind of thinking you need a reality check. One way to do this, is to change your perspective.
There are a few ways to change your perspective.
Ask yourself if there is another way to look at this situation. For instance, you are beating yourself up because you are not learning how to churn butter as well as the rest of your online butter churning class. Is it really because you are a failure? Are you doomed to forever buy butter from the grocery store? Or maybe you just need a little more practice. Maybe you need to just adjust your butter churning technique.
Another way to change your perspective is to think about what you would say to a friend who was about to give up on butter churning forever because they couldn’t make perfect butter after their first class. Would you tell them that butter churning obviously wasn’t their calling? Or would you tell them not to give up on their butter churning dreams and get back at it?
Treat yourself the way you would treat a friend. Stop being so hard on yourself. You deserve the same support you would give to a friend.
Here’s a guided meditation and journal exercise to help you deal with your perfectionist.
Make Compromises With Your Perfectionist
Another way you can work with your perfectionist, is by coming up with compromises. Expecting yourself to be perfect in every area at all times is not realistic. You need to ask yourself what imperfections can you live with.
Make deals with your perfectionist. “I will put all of my energy into making this one thing perfect, but I’m going to let that one slide.”
It will take some practice and definitely push you outside your comfort zone. However, the more you do it, the easier it will become. This will also give you a good idea as to what your priorities are when it comes to your perfectionism.
Affirmations for Perfectionists
Finally, here are a few affirmations to help you work with your perfectionist.
- I learn and grow from my mistakes
- I am enough exactly as I am
- My uniqueness is what makes me beautiful
- I can’t succeed unless I am willing to fail
- I’m strong and brave enough to ask for help when I need it
- I forgive myself for all of my past mistakes
- To be human means to be imperfect
- I am worthy of love right now, exactly as I am
If you are enjoying this post, you may want to go check out https://metaphysicalmama.com/why-you-need-to-start-loving-your-self-right-now-everything-you-need-to-know-about-self-love/
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Still have questions? Email me at tiffany@metaphysicalmama.com
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Wow. This post definitely describes me. I have always been a perfectionist. Sometimes I am really a critic when it comes to my own work and meeting deadlines. I am so hard on myself.
xo Erica
Me too, but I’m working on it. 😊
Thank you so much for this post! I’ve been struggling with perfectionism ever since middle school- its been 10 years and I’m trying to deal with overcoming my perfectionist nature and try to balance it, this post was very helpful! And I’ll be writing those affirmations down, I needed them so much. Thank you once again! x Penny
You are very welcome! I’m so glad you found this post helpful! Affirmations are a great way to help us make changes in our lives. The more we repeat them, the more we start to believe them and make them our reality.
I can be a perfectionist when it comes to my job but not for my life 😀 I stop being so hard on myself, otherwise, it will affect my mental health. Thank you so much for sharing this x
Thanks so much for your comment! It’s great that you have some balance with your perfectionism by not letting enter your everyday life. It really can effect your mental health if you don’t keep it in check.
I really enjoyed reading your article. I’m a perfectionist at its best and I gotta say I’m never happy and I’m never satisfied with anything. I always find flaws in everything I do. I tried to adopt a different mindset but it’s so hard to change a character that’s been for years like that. I will keep your tips in mind hoping that I can overcome this traits.
I’m so glad you enjoyed reading it. It can be very hard to change parts of our personality. They have often been a part of us since we were quite young. It can be a little easier to try to integrate their positive aspects. For instance, keep the parts of the perfectionist that are useful and only eliminate the parts that no longer serve you. To do this you may want to make deals with your perfectionist. “I will do this one thing perfect, if we can ease up on this other thing.” It takes a bit of time, but keep at it. If you need any support don’t hesitate to contact me.
I remember when I was a child I used to waste so much paper because I hated it when I wrote so bad or make a mistake even when it’s a pencil (i’m crazy lol haha) then sooner I finally got out of that phase and taught myself to be accepting of mistakes but not to the point when I would aim for anything lesser than best. Reading your article made me second guess if I still had the perfectionist in me, hopefully not anymore. Really informative post! Thanks for sharing xx
http://www.lifebeginsattwenty.com
Your comment actually made me laugh, because I was exactly the same. I use to go through stacks and stacks of paper, always worried my handwriting wasn’t good enough. Writing a card was basically torture for me. Doing everything digitally has saved me a lot of stress and a lot of paper!
Thanks for reading and commenting!
This is a great post, Tiffany! I am probably the opposite. I lack attention to detail in so many ways and my mindset is always “eh, good enough!” I actually need to train myself to slow down and check things more often. I always feel like I’m in a hurry haha. I saw perfectionism a lot in others especially in post secondary. Thank you for sharing x
http://www.lynnmumbingmejia.com
Thanks so much Lynn! I wish I could get a little more of that “eh, good enough!” mindset. I’d probably get a lot more done.
I am definitely not a perfectionist in terms of my lifestyle/appearance, far from it! But I can see aspects of it in terms of my work because I like my work to be done to the best of my ability before I let anyone else see it. These tips however are great and will really benefit those that are perfectionists! Xx
That’s great! Being a bit of a perfectionist in your work can be beneficial. It is when it starts to keep you from getting things done that it becomes a problem. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment! I appreciate it!
Nice post and well written. I am a perfectionist so I understand this
Thanks for sharing
https://uncuaderno4cero.wordpress.com/
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment! It’s appreciated!
So many truths, for me as much as I want to admit I’m not a perfectionist, it’s a lie. I’m the person who wait and procrastinate, perfecting things and never get it out there because I’m afraid what others will think. This was so powerful, thank you for sharing.
I am so glad this resonated with you! I was the same way, but I’m slowly getting better. Sometimes all you can do is just push through and put your stuff out there. The more you do it, the easier it gets. Thanks for your comment!
Oh, I’m fully aware that I’m a perfectionist. It’s something that’s been part of my make-up since I was a child. From lining up sidewalk chalk by color rather than actually using it to color as a kid… to now as an adult, the way that I take almost an entire day just to write one blog post because it needs to check all the boxes. And those are bigger things – but I realize it’s not always a positive thing. I’m working on letting go sometimes too!
Thanks for your comment!
My perfectionist showed up when I was quite young too. It can be tricky to rein it in, but I find it’s much easier if you give it projects. For example try telling your perfectionist “You can go to town making my sour dough bread recipe perfect, but you have to ease up a little on blog posts. You have a few hours to get the post done and then it is good enough.”
My perfectionist lets me get a lot more done when it’s given it’s own projects to make perfect.
This is such a great post about perfectionism. I tend to have a little of that in me and I try to be careful about it. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks! I’m so glad you enjoyed it!
Wonderful! I love your affirmations. I don’t think I’m a perfectionist at least not with most things in my life except my writing.
Thanks for reading and leaving a comment!
I’m so happy you liked the affirmations. I love affirmations! They are a great and gentle way to work towards change.
Number 4 hit me so hard. I spent my entire life downplaying my accomplishments and not wanting to be “fussed” over. I didn’t even want to go to my college graduation. Now that I’m a little older and wiser I can see that I wasn’t just unfussy, but I wasn’t allowing myself to truly accept my accomplishments and value the milestones in my life I was crossing, so I never felt like it was enough.
Thank you so much for sharing this xoxo
I use to thing that my accomplishments weren’t as great as what other people had achieved. That they were not significant enough to celebrate. Now I realize that it is not about how you stack up next to someone else, but that you are growing and learning. That you are not stagnant, there is movement in your life. That is a great reason to celebrate! It’s so important to value ourselves and our journey! You deserve to be fussed over!
Really interesting read! I’m definitely a perfectionist – I love how you included a list of affirmations at the end xx
Thanks! I’m so glad you liked the affirmations, hopefully they can help you manage your own perfectionist.
Great post and a lot to think about. I’m not really a perfectionist. I’m very realistic! My boyfriend is a perfectionist though and some things make him so miserable because of it and sometimes I just can’t be around him when he’s in that perfectionist mood.
Thank you! My husband has a difficult time dealing with my perfectionist too. Hopefully this post gave you a little insight into your boyfriend and some ideas of how to be able to deal with his perfectionist.
Great post! I struggle with perfectionism as part of having OCPD. My mom would fly off the handle and panic if anything went wrong, so I did develop a lot of perfectionist traits to keep from rocking her boat. I’m now unpacking all of those experiences, but at least I’ve accepted how to make my OCPD work for me. Thank you!
Thank you for your comment!
It is so difficult for children when they have to learn how to work around their parent’s disorders, but it definitely teaches us how to be more adaptable. The fact that you are now able to make your OCPD work for you is a perfect example of that. It’s pretty amazing!
Thank you so much for the post, I relate on so many levels. This was super helpful, thanks for sharing!
I’m so glad you found it helpful! Thanks for commenting!
I have definitely been guilty of perfectionism in the past. Sadly, it’s a trait I passed on to my daughter. It’s a great source of anxiety. Over time, I’ve learned that “done is better than perfect”.
It’s amazing how we can pass on perfectionism to our children. That alone is a good motivator for working on it. Thanks so much for your comment!
This is such a thorough post, I wish I was a perfectionist to a certain degree, in fact maybe a middle ground would be better.
The only time I am a perfectionist is when it comes to keeping the kitchen tidy!!
Thanks for your comment!
Middle ground is definitely better! That way you can choose what you want to put more effort into.
Oh, and I’m a little obsessed with the kitchen being tidy too.😊
I’m definitely not a perfectionist, but some of my close friends are. Thank you for sharing
Thanks for your comment!
I hope this post helped bring you a better understanding of your friends.
This is such an interesting topic. I used to class myself as a perfectionist. However the pandemic really made me think about whats important and what I really want. Ive definitely stepped back a bit from that perfectionist lifestyle and I feel so much better for it.
Thanks for your comment! The pandemic has pushed a lot of us to take a closer look at ourselves and our lives. To reassess and really think about what is important to us. It is one of the good things that has come out of all of this. I’m glad that it drove you to let go of your perfectionism and move forward in a healthier way.
I feel like I could be a perfectionist about certain things but never really thought about it before. Thanks for diving into this! Loved reading your post and so many will benefit from these tips!
Thank you so much! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
This was such an excellent post. I didn’t even know that there were 2 types of perfectionism. This post really forces you to think about how things affect you. It seems as though everyone has a little bit of perfectionism in them, but balance is key. Not too much, not too little. I love the affirmations and tips as well. Thanks for sharing 🥰
Thanks Rebekah! I’m so glad you enjoyed this post!
Balance is definitely key with perfectionism! You need to take the parts that serve you and let go of the parts that hinder you. And affirmations are a great way to help you reinforce new behaviours. 💕
Wow this was such an interesting post! I have never thought of myself as a perfectionist but I definitely have some of the traits. Thank you for sharing this!
Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to comment!
This is full of wonderful information! My husband is a perfectionist do it really helped me understand him a little better. I’m going to let him read this!
I’m so glad you found the information useful! Hopefully it will help your husband as well. 😊
I can def feel like a perfectionist sometimes. I’ve tried to be more laid back though because my perfectionism would never truly help me. Thanks for sharing this insightful information.
Thanks for your comment! It’s so good that you recognize that perfectionism won’t help you. Great insight!
Thanks for sharing especially those words of Affirmation.
You are very welcome! Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment!
This is definitely me! I have always been a procrastinator who is afraid to fail and doesn’t like feedback. I really need to start thinking about what I would say to my friends and family if they were thinking or saying the things I say to myself. Thank you for this post! It’s helping me reflect. 🙂
I’m so glad this has helped you reflect. We have to be aware of behaviours before we can change them. Treating ourselves the way we would treat a beloved friend is a great way to start being more gentle with ourselves. I hope this helps you find a little more gentleness for yourself. 🥰
Their are definitely some aspects of my life that I strive for perfection – more so in my work than my appearance ect! Such an interesting post! X
Thank you for your comment! Striving to be perfect in certain areas of our lives can be completely healthy, and in fact can help motivate us to succeed. It’s when that perfectionism starts to keep us from accomplishing the things we want and makes us question our worth, that it becomes a problem.
Very thorough post, thank you so much for sharing! I did not know all of this about perfectionism and it’s definitely something I’ve seen in others–which has often made me roll my eyes. Our best is good enough, but I guess I learned that because in my life I was praised for improving habits, grades etc and for doing my best, not for being the best.
Thank you Giulia! I’m glad I was able to teach you a little more about perfectionism. Thanks for your comment!
Perfectionism can hurt when you’re feeling like you need to do more and you’re not feeling enough. It’s okay to make mistakes – it’s part of being human! Sometimes, people take three steps back to take ten steps forward, and that’s part of life. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!
Nancy ✨ mdrnminimalists.com
You hit the nail on the head, Nancy! It’s all part of being human. Unfortunately, sometimes we expect ourselves to be superhuman and that is where we get into trouble. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment!
This is a really interesting take! I personally feel like becoming more of a perfectionist later in life really helped me, but there can certainly be downsides. Everything is best in moderation!
Moderation is definitely key!
Thanks for reading!
I can relate to this so much, and it’s definitely something that I need to work on. I can put far too much pressure on myself to achieve overly ambitious goals. Really interesting post, thanks for sharing x
Thank you so much for reading and leaving a comment! I really hope my suggestions help you take some pressure off yourself.
This was so interesting to read! I’m definitely a perfectionist and have a habit of taking it too far sometimes!
Katy | http://www.katystephenson.com | http://www.thegrownupsclub.com
Thanks for your comment! I hope this post helps you keep your perfectionist in check.
This is such an interesting post! I definitely have perfectionist tendencies, which I hadn’t really thought about until I read the list of potential behaviours for a perfectionist.
Our perfectionist doesn’t want us to be aware of it, or we may try to heal it. It believes that it is protecting us, so it won’t let go easily. It will tell us we are not enough and that is why we have to work harder than everyone else, or that it is pointless for us to even try because we will fail. It makes us believe that we need it to be able to keep up with everyone else. That without it, everyone will know the truth, that we are not good enough. This is why so many of us are unaware of our perfectionist. The truth is, we are all good enough exactly as we are. We are all capable of amazing things. We just have to believe it!
Thanks so much for your comment!
I’m definitely such a perfectionist and it is so hard to get myself out of that mindset sometimes!
Love, Amie ❤
Thanks for your comment! The perfectionist can be challenging! I find the best way to deal with the perfectionist is to work with it. If you create boundaries for your perfectionist, it will start to learn how to work with you. For example, if you are writing a post, ask your perfectionist to let you write the post first. Then, when you are done you will give her an hour to go through with a fine tooth comb. After that it gets posted, whether she feels it’s perfect or not. These compromises help you integrate your perfectionist so she works for you, not against you.
If you find you need some support with this, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I’m always happy to help!
This is definitely me, I’m a complete overt perfectionist when I’m working on something I know I can do. Obsessive, need to finish it perfectly regardless of how long it takes, I refuse to let the task ‘beat me’. But I also procrastinate when it comes to areas I have less confidence in or don’t try at all sometimes. I’m constantly trying to push myself outside of my comfort zone a little and be easier on myself x
Perfectionism can be useful. It pushes us to put out impeccable work, but when it keeps us from doing things because we aren’t sure we can do them perfectly, it starts to become a problem. It keeps us in our comfort zone where we are unable to grow. It is not an easy task, but keep pushing yourself outside your comfort zone and remind yourself that no one is perfect. We all need to practice before we get good at something. Give yourself permission to practice. Thanks for your comment!
Really informative and insightful post. I really learnt a lot about perfectionism and the types.
Thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to comment.
Your article is great, very informative and thoughtful. I am an overt perfectionist, and it is interesting to get to know that there are two types of perfectionists (overt and covert). I have not thought of perfectionism as a protective mechanism, but I agree with you that it is in fact protection. Thanks for sharing!
People are amazing and brilliant! We come up with ingenious ways to protect ourselves and stay safe, like developing the perfectionist personality.These protective systems serve us well and are great when we need them. Unfortunately, we hang on to these defence mechanisms even after they are no longer needed. Unsure how to let go even when they start to backfire and interfere with our ability to thrive. It is good to check in now and then and ask yourself if your perfectionist is helping you or hindering you.Having that awareness will give you more control.
Thanks so much for your comment!
This is such an interest and thought-provoking post! I think i definitely have traits of perfectionism, however, it depends on what I am doing. If I am making something for someone else I will work and work and work on it until it is how I want it (for the most part). But, if i am working on something for myself I will be less critical of the finer details and say “meh, that will do” haha!
Thanks for sharing!
Aimsy xoxo
Aimsy’s Antics
Haha! I’m exactly the same way. If it’s for someone else I go all out, but when it’s for me I’m much less particular. I will just throw it together and call it done.
Thanks for reading and leaving a comment! I appreciate it!
I never thought of myself as a perfectionist, but after reading the list in this post, I might be one. This is really useful information, something I really need to keep in mind in the future, thank you.
Thanks so much for your comment! We often don’t question whether or not we’re perfectionists. We just do things the way we have always done them until we can’t do them that way anymore. Unfortunately, by that time it is so ingrained in us, that the behaviours are nearly impossible to change. Self reflection and journalling are great ways for us to learn more about our personality traits and what motivates them. When we know they are there and understand them, we can better decide whether or not they are serving us.
I have definitely spent most of my life as a perfectionist. It can be really exhausting to live that way. After years of working on it, I am finally getting better at just accepting things as they are and doing things just good enough.
Thanks for your comment!
That’s amazing! It’s hard to let go of our perfectionist, even a little bit, but the more we accept things as being good enough, the easier it becomes.
When you described your troubles with overt perfectionism, I nodded my head in agreement along with you. I fully understood what you were saying and where you are coming from. I, too, struggle in this way. I was raised as a preacher’s daughter which meant I was on full ‘display’ 24/7/365. This way of life always made me paranoid that I wasn’t doing *everything* perfectly — from the way I dressed, to the way I spoke, to what I did each day, etc. It’s very dysfunctional to get caught in that pattern!
Perfectionism, as you rightly pointed out, can serve us well in many ways. Yet when it becomes painful, exhausting, and downright toxic, it’s time to take a deeper look into those unhealthy thinking patterns that drive such unhelpful behaviors. It’s a road I’m walking now and have been walking for many years. 🙂 We always have something new to learn, right?
Many blessings and much love to you. Thanks for this very thought-provoking post! ♥
Thank you for your thoughtful comment! It can be a difficult path trying to change behaviours that we’ve had since childhood. It may be helpful to look at why you developed the perfectionist to begin with. Was it to protect you from something or to ensure you were loved? Maybe it helped keep you from getting too much attention? Once you know why it came about, ask yourself if you still need it to do those things. These clues into why your perfectionist came into being can give you some insight into how to integrate it and loosen it’s hold on you. If you have any questions or need a little support, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I’m happy to help. 😊
We fit some of these categories. It can be hard to not be overly critical of yourself at times. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks so much for your comment! It can be very hard not to be overly critical of ourselves sometimes. It is something we need to always be aware of. I hope this post helps you to be a little less critical.
I am guilty of trying to be perfect in everything I do but I am working hard to remind myself that everything I do is good enough already. Thank you for sharing this blog post.
Lauren – bournemouthgirl.com
Thanks for your comment Lauren! I think it’s important to remind ourselves that things don’t have to be perfect, that it’s good enough. Otherwise we would never get anything done, especially when blogging. 😊
Great post! I am absolutely a perfectionist, I have been as long as I remember. I used to think or was a good thing but finally realized that it wasn’t about 7-8 years ago which finally allowed me to address it. It’s still a daily work in progress but I’ve come a long way! I guess I never really registered the difference between the covert and overt kind, but it totally makes sense. Great tips and thinks for sharing!
Thanks! I think we all look at being a perfectionist as a good thing at first. There are some helpful aspects to the perfectionist, which helps fuel that belief. Unfortunately there are also some aspects that limit us and prevent us from truly succeeding in life. That is why it is so important to try to integrate the positive aspects of the perfectionist and let go of the limiting ones. It is definitely a journey, but well worth the effort.
I am SUCH a perfectionist! But I’m really trying to learn to let go of it and embrace the imperfections!
Katie | katieemmabeauty.com
I find it helps too start with small things that don’t matter as much to you. If you can allow yourself to be imperfect in those things, it get a little easier when dealing with the bigger things. Good luck!
Wow, so much information to absorb! I’m definitely going to use some of the things I’ve learned here. I like to say I’m a recovering perfectionist. It takes a lot of practice and working on yourself to be able to overcome some of the habits I’ve developed over time. Appreciate the information.
I still get caught up in my perfectionist behaviour and am forever negotiating with my perfectionist. The more you do it, the easier it gets, but the perfectionist doesn’t completely go away. We just learn how to work with it and use it to our benefit.
Thanks for your comment!
I am a perfectionist and I know it sometimes goes against me rather push me. I am trying to learn to be better at remembering nothing is perfect and you will always find things that you could “improve” as you think.
Lauren
Thanks for the comment Lauren! Overcoming perfectionism is more than stopping a bad habit. It is like changing a part of your personality, which is not an easy task. Be patient with yourself. That you are aware of your perfectionism and how it is hindering you is already a huge step in the right direction.
WOW I learned quite a lot from your post – thank so much. I live with someone who is a perfectionist and reading this a lot of what you were describing matched up fairly well, this definitely helped provide me some insight into what’s happening and why for them during this process. Thanks for this!
I’m glad this post has given you some insight. It can be difficult to live with a perfectionist. Having some understanding of where it’s coming from can definitely help.
Thanks for your comment!
So much great and insightful info in here!
My high functioning anxiety disguised it’s as perfectionism, and now that I’m treating it, it’s been difficult to give up some of those perfectionist tendencies.
Excellent read, thank you for sharing!
It can be so hard to let go of perfectionism. I would definitely recommend trying to work with it, rather than eliminate it entirely. Give your perfectionist small jobs and ask it to take a step back in other areas. I know this tactic can seem a little silly, but it can be very effective. The more your perfectionist get use to not having to be perfect, the easier it will become to let go of perfectionism in more areas.
Thanks for your comment!
Thank you so much for this. It resonates with me so much, and maybe it is a downfall. The issue with perfectionism is that you are always searching for excellence, whilst not enjoying the process. Maybe it is something I need to calm down on a little. Thanks for this!
I’m glad this resonated with you. If your perfectionist is keeping you from enjoying what you do, then it’s time to work on that. Give yourself permission to be less than perfect.
Thanks for your comment!